Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Test Anxiety

If you own a car in the Denver metro area you know that every other year you have to get an emmissions test done before you can renew your car registration. This has been going on for years and I believe the reason, so they say, is to improve the air quality in Denver which can get rather bad. Well, the process of getting this test done is a really terrible experience for a couple of reasons.

First, there is the possibility your car won't pass the test. When you drive a car that's more than 1o years old, like I have for most of my adult life, there is always that possibility. And if you don't pass you have to take the car to a mechanic to get whatever needs fixing in order for it to pass. I've been lucky, I've always passed. But even with a fairly new car, 2008, I still have that anxiety that it won't pass.

Second, the actually process is time consuming and downright dirty. The actual test takes about 15-20 minutes. That's not long, you say. Aha, but what you don't realize is that there is ALWAYS a line of cars waiting. It usually takes at least 45-60 minutes from start to finish.

You start the waiting in your running car until you can make it far enough in line for a worker to take over. Then you wait in a long rectangular box of a room that is aboslutely filthy, with years of dirt on the floor and the plastic chairs which are the only thing to sit on. There's usually and overflowing trash can and a television in a cage that is turned up to high volume but you still can't here because of the noise from all the cars. You do get a dirty window to look through so you can watch of the slow process of the workers checking your emmissions.

Hasn't the air quality improved enough to stop this testing? If not, maybe the program doesn't work!

Monday, December 7, 2009

Cheers to the Classic Christmas Specials



Like Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer or Santa Claus is Coming to Town or, my favorite, The Year Without a Santa Claus. That's my favorite because it was the one with Mother Nature and her two sons Heat Miser and Cold Miser. Remember... "whatever I touch, starts to melt in my clutch" or "whatever I touch starts to freeze in my clutch." Or in Santa Clause is Coming to Town when Kris Kringle sings to Winter Warlock "put one foot in front of the other and soon you'll be walking cross the floor." Those were the good ole' days of stop motion animation in the 70s. Memorable characters and catchy tunes.


A couple of nights ago I caught part of the cartoon Christmas special Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer based on the song of the same name. The song was released in 1984 and the cartoon in 2000. In watching this show there was one thing I found rather disturbing, all the people had only four fingers on each hand (technically three fingers and a thumb). So were the animators just to lazy to make the hands "real life"? And, of course, they had to change to the story in the cartoon because in the song Grandma gets run over by a reindeer and DIES!






Bring back the stop motion animation!

Sunday, November 29, 2009

Real or Fake?

Definitely real. Always has been and always will be real. I must be a minority because most of the people I know have fake Christmas trees. But I grew up with real trees, sometimes ones we cut ourselves and sometimes as tall as 13 feet. The house we lived in when I was a teenager was three stories with the main living room on the second floor that had a vaulted ceiling. After going out with my father and sister to hike through two feet of snow to find the perfect tree, cutting it down, dragging it to the car and driving it home we had to pull the tree up to the second story deck and in through the sliding glass doors because the tree would fit through the front door and up the stars. Then we had to get out the ladder and tie the tree to the wall so it wouldn't fall over. These days it's just me and since I live on the third floor, when I get a tree it's rather small.



Small is okay but I guess I associate the smell of pine with Christmas. Yes, you have to buy a new one every year and it can be a little messy with pine needles all over the place but for me I will always have a REAL Christmas tree.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

On the Couch

There is a local Connecticut magazine that has a regular feature called “On the Couch” which poses the question, “Do you think the furnishings and object in a room reveal much about the homeowner(s)?” Well, I think the answer is yes so here are some of the things I think my home reveals about me (and some of you will probably already know this about me).

My Bed – I love my bed. I got it (and a new headboard) about three weeks ago and that is now where I can usually be found when I’m home. I’ve always had a night stand and it’s always had three things on it: a radio alarm clock, a lamp and books, books and more books. I want to get a new lamp but have you seen the price of lamps lately? And what you can’t see is that there are more books and a few rogue magazines on the floor next to the bed.

My Refrigerator – This reveals the one thing that I collect: refrigerator magnets. But they are not just any magnets; they have to be ones showing places I have visited. So I have everything from the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in Cleveland to the shores of Cancun, Mexico; Blarney Castle in Ireland to the Louver in Paris. And one of the best presents I ever got (thanks Nancy!) is that Underground cookie jar sitting on top.

Fireplace Mantel – The two features I love the most about my apartment is my vaulted ceiling with skylight and my fireplace. I love having a fireplace (a real fireplace that burns real wood). And, as you can see, I also have a fireplace mantel. I knew right away what I would put there. . . photographs. There are photos of me and my sister when we were young, photos of me and my dad and photos of me, my mom and my sister. I also have my two photos of me and Michael Ball (prized possessions – a story for later). The print over the fireplace is one I got at Hobby Lobby of a restaurant in Paris. When I went to Paris 10 years ago I tracked down the restaurant, which was supposed to be rather famous, but it was all closed up. I do have a photo of me standing in front of it though.

So what does your furnishings say about you?

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Stop the Music!

In the past couple of days I have been in two department stores and do you know what I heard? Christmas carols! It’s the second week in November and they are already playing Christmas music! UGH! So now I am determined not to set foot in either of those stores until at least December 1 (okay, maybe after Thanksgiving, depending on the sales this year).

Don’t get me wrong, I like Christmas music. I really do. But I like it around Christmas time! If I have to listen to Christmas music two months before the actually holiday (TWO MONTHS!) then by the time Christmas actually comes around I’m sick of it. Sick, sick, sick of it!!!! I couldn’t even image working in those places. Two months of listing to the same music, day after day after day. In my humble opinion, when you start to celebrate something too early by the time the actual holiday comes around it’s not as special.

Monday, November 9, 2009

Leave It All Behind

I think about doing that every so often, especially after several days of be subjected to “stupid” people everywhere I go. I won’t bore you with specifics of who “stupid” people are because you probably already know and have also been in contact with them. Well I had that thought again last night as I watched a PBS show called Islands of Britain (http://www.rmpbs.org/content/index.cfm/show/149327/Islands-of-Britain). The host, British TV actor Martin Clunes, is traveling to a bunch of islands in Great Britain and started with the most northern islands, north of Scotland which include the Shetland Island.

The population of these islands vary from one (yes, Stuart Hill is the only resident of Forvik Island which is 3 mile by 5 mile, and independent from the rest of Britain, with its own flag, and Hill is in the process of designing its own currency – his web site is www.forvik.com) to 22,000. And while these islands are rural (no shopping malls, McDonalds, Starbucks, movie theaters or Barnes & Nobles) they are also remote. For example, Shetland Islands are 313 miles from Aberdeen, Scotland which is the closest metropolitan area. And most of that journey is by ferry. That is a long way to go for a Starbuck’s.

And while the more populated island don’t lack in basic amenities (electricity, plumbing, cars, phones and the Internet) I suspect that the residents have to get any supplies that aren’t “basic” (like food) from the Internet. I could do that with probably one exception, clothes. I definitely need to try those on before purchasing.

So while these islanders seem to lead peaceful lives (Saturday night is going to the community center to drink and listen to your neighbors sing and play music) there is still the practicality of earning a living and that’s my problem. I’m not a farmer or a fisherman. I am not a doctor or a plumber. I don’t possess any skill that would be a necessity to a community, so unless I was an established writer or had a “work-at-home” job that I can do remotely, it might not be that easy.

So I guess for now I’ll stay in my Denver suburb with a population of over 140,600, where I can drive to the nearest shopping mall that seems to be a Mecca for “stupid” people.

Monday, November 2, 2009

Wasn't I Just Here?

That was my first thought when I walked into work this morning because it seemed as if I had just left. I have a very average job, Monday through Friday, 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. with an hour lunch break. My hours aren't really flexible (except when there is a special circumstance). To be honest, I don't "love" my job (I don't think many Americans are that lucky). I don't jump out of bed every morning excited to go to work (I'd much rather stay in bed). Don't get me wrong, my job is okay. I have a really good boss and a really short commute (about 10 minutes). But for me my job is just a job, a way to pay the bills so that I have food in my stomach, clothes on back and a roof over my head.

The company I work for is an international company. It has offices in the U.S., Canada and Australia. Americans seem to work a lot more than most everyone else in the world. In Australia standard vacation is four weeks per year (I get two weeks). Public (government) employees receive five weeks of annual leave. And they work 38.5 hours per week. In France the average work week is 35 hours and they get five weeks of paid leave a year. In Denmark (Forbes recently rated Denmark the happiest country in the world) the standard work week is 37 hours and they get a month vacation (30 days).

Maybe I need to move to Denmark. Or I just need a vacation.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Trick or Treat?

Wasn't it always treat? Didn't every house you went to on Halloween have treats? I never once was forced to take the "trick" option (and, lets be honest here, I'd never have the guts to). And the treats were the best part of Halloween. Yes, the costumes were good too but I remember too many Halloweens with a costume (usually a clown or hobo or some combination of both) covered with a winter jacket. My dream costume was to be Snow White but, alas, it never happened. My most memorable costume was a clown with balloons stuck all over me (this, if I recall correctly, was my mother's idea). Problem with this costume was that the first house we went to had rose bushes by the front door. So much for the balloons.


Anyway, back to the candy because it really was all about the candy. Yes, the coveted candy. My parents weren't really strict about the candy; I don't ever remember them inspecting it (although we did throw out homemade things) or taking it from us to dole out at their pleasure (they might have when we were really young).


The first thing my younger sister and I did when we got home was pour out the candy onto the living room floor and divide everything into "good' candy and "not-so-good" candy (because there really isn't any "bad" candy). Obvious "good" candy was anything chocolate. Hershey Miniatures were good (Krackle and Mr. Goodbars were better than Dark Chocolate) but the mini Snickers, Kit Kats, Milky Ways were the jackpot haul (and full size chocolate bars were the motherload!). Then there was the "not-so-good" candy (anything not chocolate). This usually consisted of Tootsie Roll Pops, Candy Corn, Smarties, Life Savers and the least favorite Halloween candy ever: raisins. Once the candy was divided the trading began. My sister and I usually each had one "not-so-good" candy that we liked so that was a fair swap.


We usually got the same amount of candy but my sister would eat hers faster than me so I had to hide my Halloween stash as soon as the trading was over. Younger sisters have a way of going though your things, looking for stuff and that includes Halloween candy. I always did a mental inventory of what I had and if something went missing I know where to go. But now as an adult I understand sugar cravings and I forgive my sister.


You really don't know the value of free chocolate until you're an adult and too old to go trick or treating.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Sometimes You Have to Weed the Garden

A couple of nights ago I was having dinner with some girlfriends and we got to talking about our friendships with other people. One of my friends seems to have a lot frineds with issues - big, sloppy issues - that are always causing drama. All they do is complain about their problems, their lives, etc. While we all have friends like this, she seems to have more than normal.

Some friends are lifelong freinds, some are friends for just a couple of years (or maybe months or weeks). And sometimes you have to remove friends from your life (weed the garden) when they get to be toxic (or "suckers" as my friend calls it because they tend to suck life out of you). Toxic may seem like a harsh word but if a friend is causing you grief or stress then you have to ask, what kind of friend are they?

Friendships, like most relationships, are a two-way street; you have to give and then you can take. But life changes, situations change and people change, and sometimes there is a lot more taking than giving. And it's hard to always be supportive of someone who asks for advice and then never takes it or isn't as supportive in return.
I will tell you, from experience, weeding the garden is not an easy thing to do. A few years back I had to end a relationship with someone I considered my best friend, someone I though I'd be friends with for the rest of my life. But there may come a time when you have to say to goodbye. Maybe you'll finally get tired of all the negativity, or the flakiness, or the taking and no giving.


So keep the friends who accept you for who you are, friends who will support you in the same way you support them, friends who don't take you for granted. They are the flowers you want to keep in your garden. Remember, life is too short.


Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Who Do You Have to Sleep With to Get Published Around Here?

Okay, I really don't want to know the answer to that. But sometimes it sees like that's the way it is. I used to think that if you had a good story and knew how to write well you could get that book published. WRONG! How many times have you read a book and thought, how did this garbage get published? Let me just give you some examples:



This book (I'm not going to give you the title or the author) is the third in a series about a latino vampire detective (I know, enough with the vampires all ready). Here is the description of the book from the author's web site: Felix fights alien gangsters to keep them from the greatest treasure in the galaxy: Earth women. Need I say more?



And if you've been a book store anytime in the last couple of months you've seen "Pride and Prejudice and Zombies: The Classic Regency Romance - Now with Ultraviolent Zombie Mayhem!" Yes, zombies have invadede Jane Austen's England. Charlotte Lucas has been bit by a zombie, Lady Catherine de Bourgh has employed armies of ninjas and Lizze and Mr Darcy are now highly skilled killers (no, I didn't ready this book - got all this information off Amazon.com - and I never, ever will). I can here Jane Austen turning in her grave.



So I guess to get published all you have to do is come up with a crazy story (with subpar writing) and if it's based on a already well beloved story (and has sex and vampires) you'll get published.



Here are some of my ideas:



Little Orphan Annie doesn't go to live with Daddy Warbucks but instead returns to the orphanage and Miss Hannigan. When she turns eighteen she starts working the streets as a hooker only to discover the streets are filled with zombies (who have a taste for hookers). Anne turns into Annie the Zombie-Ass-Kicker and keeps the world (and fellow hookers) safe from zombies.

Title: Big Bad Annie


Atticus Finch is really a member of the KKK and secretly shot Tom Robinson (the black man he was defending). Scout and Boo Radley must now stop Atticus and the KKK from taking over the town.


Title: To Kill a Klan Wizzard


Jane Eyre decides not to go back to Mr. Rochester but instead marries her cousin St. John Rivers and goes to Africa to be a missionary. But once there Jane and John discover a satanic cult that is in the sex trade and holds virgin sacrafices. Jane has to go undercover to help save a African village for despair and destruction.


Title: See Jane Whip the Occult


Any other wonderful ideas?

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Goodbye Fall...It Was a Short Visit


Yes, it is still officially Fall but you wouldn't know if from looking outside in Denver today. Yes, it's snowing. And look, the leaves on the tree didn't even have a chance to turn yet. Oh well. Today is a day to stay inside (maybe even stay in bed) and read or watch a movie. Maybe cook some brownies or cookies. Get into some warm socks and sweats, turn up the heat and watch the snow fall.

Friday, October 2, 2009

Eating Our Way Through Rochester

Every city has it's own special restaurants that it seems only the locals hang out at. Most of these places have been around a long time and are well established in the community. Since my Mom grew up in Rochester, and food is VERY important to her, there are a couple of places we need to visit every time we're in Rochester.

Number one on the list is a Zweigle hot dog with hot sauce. These are not hot dogs we can buy at our local grocery store in Denver. The company is based in Rochester and has been around for more than 120 years. So when we visit Rochester we have to stop at either Schaller's or Don's Originals (known as Don and Bob's in the late 50s when my teen-aged father worked there). On this visit we went to Schallers twice (once on Ridge Road and once down by the lake). We also grabbed a Zweigle hot dog a the Rochester airport before we left. We were told that there was new management at Don's and the food wasn't so great so we skipped it.


Another stop we make is at place called Cheeburger Cheeburger. It's a chain restaurant with a 50s dinner theme (a lot of different flavored sodas and malts). I don't usually like onion rings but these are AWESOME. But I think the reason my Mom likes it so much is because it's located where Lake Ontario and the Genesee River meet and there are tables outside right on the river. We have a Cheesburger Cheesburg south of Denver but the food doesn't taste as good when you're eating outside facing a highway and a parking lot.



Then there's the pizza a Wegmans which is an east coast grocery store that is kind of a combination of a regular grocery store and an upscale organic grocery store. It is also headquartered in Rochester and has a large ready-to-eat section that includes pizza. We've been told that Cher once ate at the Wegmans in Pittsford. We stopped there to get dinner not once, but twice.

And last but not least is Abbott's which sells the creamiest custard imaginable. I hit an Abbott's three times while I was there.

Ah, the important things in life...food.

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

My Mother, the Grape Thief


A week ago I was at Keuka Lake in New York. It's one of the Finger Lakes and if you aren't familiar with the area, the hills around the alakes have lots and lots of vineyards and wineries. We (our friends Sharon and Kathi, Mom and I) did wine tastings at two of the vineyards (and they were free!) and had lunch at a third. Right now it's right befor ethe harvest and the green, yellow, red and purple grapes are hanging off the vines, ready to be plucked.



Well that's what my mother wanted to do. After lunch we walked by the vineyard and I took some pictures. Mom wanted to taste the grapes. I reminded her that was stealing but she was determined to taste the grapes so while I snapped some photos she helped herself. And not just to one little grape, she grabbed a handful and then another and then another. The arm in that photo is Mom stealing some grapes. She said some tasted good and others didn't. I was more concerned about a burly security guard hunting us down and worried that Kathi would have to be our get-away driver.
Later that night Mom said, "If I die in my sleep tonight it's because of the grapes."
"Okay," I said, "Why?"
"I didn't wash any of those grapes I ate. They were probably covered in pesticides!"
"Well," I said, "if you do die that's karma for stealing them in the first place."
Thankfully the grapes didn't kill her.




Tuesday, September 29, 2009

There Is a Coolness in the Air (Even If It Is Only at Night)

Fall is here. You might not know it if you live in Colorado. We really only have two seasons: summer and winter. Today it was in the low 80s. Last week it snowed. Fall in Colorado doesn't last very long, a week or two at least. The Aspen trees turn yellow and orange.




Autumn in Colorado


Back east fall lasts for two months. The leaves on various trees turn yellow and orange and red and purple. It's beautiful. I miss east coast falls.



Autumn in New York


But here in Colorado, the nights are cooling down even if it's still 80 degrees during the day.

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Tired Traveler

I love to travel but I don't like the getting there and back part. Just got back from a week long visit to see family and friends in New York and today wasn't too back. Flight got into Denver really early (more that 30 minutes) and we didn't have to wait for our bags. How often does that happen? Hardly ever. Now to unpacking (so much easier than packing -- just have to throw everything into the hamper!). Good visit but definitely tired.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

The Reason Some Girls Stay Single

My cousin recently posted a link on her Facebook page to a recording that you just have to listen to. A girl in Toronto was out with friends having drinks on and this guy approaches her and won't leave her alone, telling here how cute she is. She ends up giving the guy her business card to get rid of him. The recording are the two message he left this girl after getting her card. Listen all the way through, this guy is a total tool!
http://melodymaker.posterous.com/the-reason-some-girls-stay-single-very-funny

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Where Have All the Gentlemen Gone?

I have to say, one of the nicest things about being a woman is when a gentleman holds the door open for you. I don’t mean the men you are with (boyfriends, husband who should be doing that for you anyway) but complete strangers. And I don’t mean those guys that walk through the door first and then hold it open behind them waiting for you to catch up. I’m talking about full fledge gentlemen who pick of their pace to get to the door before you and hold it open.

My office building is full of men (or should I say male human species). I know that in my office and the floor I work on (the fourth floor out of eight) the men out number the women. But I can tell if the guy who is walking to the buildings doors at the same time as me will be a gentleman and open the door for me. Most of them are older men (in their 40s or older). Most of the guys in their 30s will do the hold the door open behind them thing. And then there are the guys who don’t even care and let the door close right behind them even though I’m less than two feet away.

Common courtesy, where has it gone?

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Missing: Pint of Ice Cream (72 Hours)

This week I lost a pint of ice cream. How do you do that? you ask. Yeah, I'd like to know the answser to that too. After work on Monday I went to the grocery store to get a few items including an $0.88 pint of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream. I went through the self-checkout and I had my own bag. When I got to the car I put the bag in the seat next to me. When I got home I remember taking the ice cream out of the bag and thinking, "Wow, this got pretty soft. Better put it in the freezer right away." Less than 60 minutes later with spoon in hand I opened the freezer and there was no ice cream. I took everything out of the freezer. No ice cream. I look through everything in the refrigerator. No ice cream. I checked all the cupboards and drawers in the kitchen. No ice cream. I checked the living room, the bedroom, the bathroom, No ice cream. All night I kept going back to the freezer to see if might have miraculously re-appeared but it didn't. It's been 72 hours and I haven't found a sticky mess and smelled anything weird. Where the heck did that ice cream go?

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Sad Day for America

It’s going to be very, very rare that I address a political issue here but I will sometimes talk about a current event issue. First let me state that I think our country is in a sad shape and needs to heal. That doesn’t mean that the government has to fix the all the problems (the DO have lots of problems to fix though). We need to help with the healing process as well. The people of this country need to support each other, show compassion, common sense and common courtesy. We definitely didn’t do that today.

Today the President of the United State spoke to school children across America about the importance of staying in school. And I think that every American on this planet (I don’t care if you voted for Obama or not, what the color of your skins is, what your religion is…you get the picture) should have been supporting him 100% in this endeavor. But we didn’t. Today wasn’t about the healthcare reform, this wasn’t about the economic crisis, this wasn’t about the war. This was people getting upset about….the President telling kids to stay in school. Am I missing something? Should kids drop out of school? Is this really wrong people? Hello? President Obama is not the first president to talk to elementary school kids and he won’t be the last.

All the hoopla over this (and yes, it was hoopla – a waste of time and energy) just goes to show that we aren’t working together to help heal this country. I’m not saying you can’t have an opinion because you should. But if you don’t like Obama’s healthcare plan, voice your opinion at the appropriate place and time. This wasn’t it. Yes, today was a sad day for America.

Sunday, September 6, 2009

Hooray! Summer is Almost Over!

I am so glad summer is almost over. It’s my least favorite season. There is really nothing good about summer. It’s just plan hot. I don’t like hot. I like mild or cool but not hot. Cold is better than hot. I long for cool, crisp fall days with light breezes coming through my window. I can’t wait for days when I can go outside in jeans and a sweater and feel totally comfortable. I can wait for the nights that are cold enough to have a crackling fire in the fireplace.

I love water. I really, really love the ocean (any time of year) but unfortunately I don’t live near an ocean or even a lake (lakes here in Colorado are really just large ponds or reservoirs). Summer is for vacation right? The majority of working adults don’t get a “summer vacation.” If we want to take a vacation in the summer we have to use up our precious vacation time. I use the word precious because I work about 250 days a year and get 10 vacation days. That’s it…10.

Another thing to hate about summer is the clothes. Unless you have a perfect or near-perfect body summer clothes suck. Enough said about that.

Fall can’t get here soon enough.

Thursday, September 3, 2009

The Joys of Air Travel

Later this month I will be taking a trip that will require me to get on an airplane. This isn’t something new to me. I really love to travel, I love to go to new places, and old, and see different things, etc. etc. What I don’t love is getting there. While I can totally appreciate the convenience of air travel and can see how far we’ve come in the last 100 years, it’s still a rather miserable experience.

The first thing that makes it miserable is the cost of a ticket. Sure you can find cheap tickets but at a price that isn’t monetary. A cheap ticket usually means you have to leave really early in the morning (before 6 a.m.) or late at night (after 10 p.m.) and you will most probably have a layover. That layover can be 30 minutes (which means there is a pretty good chance you’ll miss your connecting flight) or 3 hours or more (have you been to the airport in Atlanta?).

And let’s not forget the hidden costs. With the exception of Southwest Airlines, you now have a fee to check a bag (anywhere from $15 to $50). With Frontier you have to pay to watch any of the in-flight entertainment and with some airlines you have to pay extra for the food (which, less face it, is pretty subpar food). But now thrifty Southwest Airlines feeling the economic crunch and is offering the option of paying a fee to get place in the boarding line. I’ve never flown on Southwest Airline but from what I understand there are no seat assignments, it’s pretty much get in line and find a seat when you get on. But now, for only $10, you can reserve a space in line. Not an actually seat but a place in line to get a seat. Guess it’s kind of like slipping the host/hostess a tener at a restaurant to get a table. Anyway, here’s the story:



I have never understood why people crowd around the gate entrance when they start boarding the plan, especially when you have a seat assignment. Why would you want to sit on a plane any longer than necessary? Do you think they’ll give your seat away if your butt isn’t in it within five minutes of the gate attendant calling your row?

Now the really miserable part is when you actually get to your seat. Unless you are 5 feet 5 inches or shorter and weigh less than 100 pounds those seats are so not comfortable. There isn’t enough leg room, the arm rests are too low and forget putting the tray table down if the person in front of you has the seat reclined all the way back.

Yes, I’m so not looking forward to five hours on an airplane. And don’t get met started on those people who whip out their cell phones the minute the plan touches the ground.

Sunday, August 30, 2009

I Am Proof God Has a Sense of Humor

I truly believe God has a sense of humor and I am living proof of that. All through school my worst subject was anything to do with science (biology, geology, physics, chemistry). Hated it all, wasn’t good at any of that. So I went ahead and got a journalism degree. But for the past nine years I worked for companies/organizations that have been science based. Go figure. And for the last six of those years I’ve worked for two different mining engineering and consulting firms. Yes, I work with engineers and geologists.

Now you may be asking what a mining consulting company does. Well, I can’t give you a lot of details because, well quite frankly, I don’t understand a lot of what they do. What I do know is they produce reports: feasibility reports, due diligence reports, mine planning reports, annual audit reports, etc. (are you still with me?). And that is where I come in. I format, edit and proofread all these reports (and other documents) and I find it so amazing that I can do this so well without fully understanding the content of what I’m reading. Now after six years I have picked up on some things but words like “stripping ratio,” “downdip,” “highwall” and “outcrop” are lost on me.

So anyway (here is where the humor begins), awhile ago I was helping out on a project by doing data entry. A lot of times these mines have drill hole logs that were done 25 years before or earlier (i.e. before computers). So after several days of data entry one of the engineers asked if I wanted to see what all the data produced (bless his heart). Sure, why not? He took me to his computer where I saw a black screen with lots of colorful dots and lines on it. I had no idea what I was looking; it held absolutely no meaning to me.

“That’s nice,” I say. So the engineer explains what it means (don’t ask because I can’t tell you). And after a few minutes he stopped talking. “It’s pretty,” I said. “But you know what it looks like? Remember that childhood toy – Lite Bright? That’s what it looks like, Lite Bright!”

I truly believe God has a sense of humor and I am living proof of that. All through school my worst subject was anything to do with science (biology, geology, physics, chemistry). Hated it all, wasn’t good at any of that. So I went ahead and got a journalism degree. But for the past nine years I worked for companies/organizations that have been science based. Go figure. And for the last six of those years I’ve worked for two different mining engineering and consulting firms. Yes, I work with engineers and geologists.

Now you may be asking what a mining consulting company does. Well, I can’t give you a lot of details because, well quite frankly, I don’t understand a lot of what they do. What I do know is they produce reports: feasibility reports, due diligence reports, mine planning reports, annual audit reports, etc. (are you still with me?). And that is where I come in. I format, edit and proofread all these reports (and other documents) and I find it so amazing that I can do this so well without fully understanding the content of what I’m reading. Now after six years I have picked up on some things but words like “stripping ratio,” “downdip,” “highwall” and “outcrop” are lost on me.

So anyway (here is where the humor begins), awhile ago I was helping out on a project by doing data entry. A lot of times these mines have drill hole logs that were done 25 years before or earlier (i.e. before computers). So after several days of data entry one of the engineers asked if I wanted to see what all the data produced (bless his heart). Sure, why not? He took me to his computer where I saw a black screen with lots of colorful dots and lines on it. I had no idea what I was looking; it held absolutely no meaning to me.

“That’s nice,” I say. So the engineer explains what it means (don’t ask because I can’t tell you). And after a few minutes he stopped talking. “It’s pretty,” I said. “But you know what it looks like? Remember that childhood toy – Lite Bright? That’s what it looks like, Lite Bright!”

I truly believe God has a sense of humor and I am living proof of that. All through school my worst subject was anything to do with science (biology, geology, physics, chemistry). Hated it all, wasn’t good at any of that. So I went ahead and got a journalism degree. But for the past nine years I worked for companies/organizations that have been science based. Go figure. And for the last six of those years I’ve worked for two different mining engineering and consulting firms. Yes, I work with engineers and geologists.

Now you may be asking what a mining consulting company does. Well, I can’t give you a lot of details because, well quite frankly, I don’t understand a lot of what they do. What I do know is they produce reports: feasibility reports, due diligence reports, mine planning reports, annual audit reports, etc. (are you still with me?). And that is where I come in. I format, edit and proofread all these reports (and other documents) and I find it so amazing that I can do this so well without fully understanding the content of what I’m reading. Now after six years I have picked up on some things but words like “stripping ratio,” “downdip,” “highwall” and “outcrop” are lost on me.

So anyway (here is where the humor begins), awhile ago I was helping out on a project by doing data entry. A lot of times these mines have drill hole logs that were done 25 years before or earlier (i.e. before computers). So after several days of data entry one of the engineers asked if I wanted to see what all the data produced (bless his heart). Sure, why not? He took me to his computer where I saw a black screen with lots of colorful dots and lines on it. I had no idea what I was looking; it held absolutely no meaning to me.

“That’s nice,” I say. So the engineer explains what it means (don’t ask because I can’t tell you). And after a few minutes he stopped talking. “It’s pretty,” I said. “But you know what it looks like? Remember that childhood toy – Lite Bright? That’s what it looks like, Lite Bright!”


Can you tell which is a Lite Brite and which is an Underground Mine Plan?

God may have a sense of humor but engineers, not so much.

Friday, August 28, 2009

The Death of Common Sense

I’m a big believer in common sense and I understand, unfortunately, not a lot of people are in possession of common sense. Why is that? Are you born with common sense or is it something you are taught by your parents? I think it’s a combination of both but I have the feeling parents (in general) aren’t teaching their kids good old common sense anymore. Yelling at your child, “What were thinking?” isn’t teaching them common sense.

According to Wikipedia (isn’t Wikipedia great?) common sense has two general meanings: a sense of things being common to other things and a sense of things common to humanity. Common to humanity. I think that right there is the death of common sense.

I’ve written obituaries before but I can’t take credit for this one. But the writer has the right idea.

Obituaries

Common Sense

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: knowing when to come in out of the rain; why the early bird gets the worm, life isn't always fair and maybe it WAS my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place.

Reports of a 6 year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children.

It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer Calpol, sun lotion or a band-aid to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason.

He is survived by his three stepbrothers: I Know My Rights, Someone Else Is To Blame and I'm A Victim.

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Stop Me If I’ve Read This Before

I love to read. I love to read so much that my 40th birthday party was a book theme and all my guests had to bring me books as gifts. I love to read so much that I tend to do it when I should be doing other things, like exercising or writing or cleaning the bathroom. But sometimes I get really excited about reading about a book and 5, 10 or 15 pages into it think it sounds familiar and I realize I’ve already read it (come on, I know this has happened to some of you too).

So a couple of years ago I decided I was going to start the new year by keep a list of all the books I’ve read that year (does anyone else do this?). I did this for two reasons: to make sure I didn’t start to read a book I’d already read and because I was curious to see how many books I read in a year. And the only rule I have is that I have to have finish the book to put it on The List.

Now, before I share my numbers with you let make this disclaimer: I’m a single gal and have a lot of time on my hands to read. I pretty much read every day. I read different books at different speeds, some of the books are really thick and some are really thin. And, well, I think the size of my butt and state my bathroom can speak for themselves.

2005 – 35 books
2006 – 31 books
2007 – 56 books
2008 – 45 books
2009 – 42 books (as of Wednesday, August 26)

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Facebook...And All It's Hidden Evils

Yes, I have an account of Facebook. The reason I like it is because I get to connect with my family and friends that don’t live near me. Since I can’t be there to see my cousin’s kids grow up at least I can see picture of them growing up. As my Facebook Friends know, I don’t post a lot of comments, mainly because my life on a day-to-day basis is pretty boring. Don’t get me wrong, I like Facebook. But what you may not know about Facebook when you open your account are the hidden evils within known as “Applications.”

WARNING!!! WARNING!! – If you don’t know about the Facebook Applications, please for your own benefit, STOP READING NOW! Step away from the computer, go read a book, watch television, spend time with your family, anything, just stop reading now.

At first glance these “Applications” look like harmless fun. But until you get suckered in you have no idea what’s ahead. It started for me with the games. Facebook has lots and lots of games. This first one I played was Bejeweled Blitz. You have one minute to match up same-like jewels and earn points. At first you think it’s just a fun little game but what you don’t know until you open it up is that over on the side are the scores of your Facebook Friends who have been playing the same game. Seems harmless enough, right? At first you think it’s great that Mary has the high score of 124,300 points. Good for her. Then you start to play. This is kind of hard. How the heck did Mary get such a high score? I can’t seem to break 55,000 points. That puts me in fourth place!!! Have to keep playing, having to keep getting a better score. To date that hasn’t happened.

So I move on to another game, Farkle (a dice game where you earn points for getting matches). Not many of my Facebook Friends are playing this game so the odds are looking better that I can be #1 (I’m not really a competitive person, really I’m not). And for a brief few hours I have the top score, I am #1. That is until I logon the next day and find that Jane has beaten my top score. How did she do that?

Time to move on to Wordtext (you earn points for making as many words as possible from six letters). A game about words! I can do this! Or so I thought. What the heck does yups mean? Or magre for that matter. I’ve never heard of these words! Who designed this game? If you’re one of my Facebook Friends you’ll have to load this game up to see how pathetic I am at it.

Now there are lots and lots of other “Applications” on Facebook but somehow I got started on Farmville (a social game that lets you create an avatar that runs a farm). I got my avatar up and running and started planting crops and buying trees and animals. But here’s what you’ve got to watch, not everything you plant grows at the same rate. So if you don’t harvest those strawberries in the allotted amount of time they go bad and you don’t get any money (yes, that happened to me). I didn’t want to become a real farmer, getting up at the crack of dawn to check my crops before getting in the shower and going to my real job. I just wanted to send my cousin’s 10-year-old son a cow every so often.

But there is a light at the end of the tunnel. The designers of Farmville give you the option to sell the farm. I’m considering…maybe a move to YoVille or Dragon Wars or Mafia Wars or Fashion Wars…I’m sorry, where did the last four hours go?