Who Do You Have to Sleep With to Get Published Around Here?

Okay, I really don't want to know the answer to that. But sometimes it sees like that's the way it is. I used to think that if you had a good story and knew how to write well you could get that book published. WRONG! How many times have you read a book and thought, how did this garbage get published? Let me just give you some examples:



This book (I'm not going to give you the title or the author) is the third in a series about a latino vampire detective (I know, enough with the vampires all ready). Here is the description of the book from the author's web site: Felix fights alien gangsters to keep them from the greatest treasure in the galaxy: Earth women. Need I say more?



And if you've been a book store anytime in the last couple of months you've seen "Pride and Prejudice and Zombies: The Classic Regency Romance - Now with Ultraviolent Zombie Mayhem!" Yes, zombies have invadede Jane Austen's England. Charlotte Lucas has been bit by a zombie, Lady Catherine de Bourgh has employed armies of ninjas and Lizze and Mr Darcy are now highly skilled killers (no, I didn't ready this book - got all this information off Amazon.com - and I never, ever will). I can here Jane Austen turning in her grave.



So I guess to get published all you have to do is come up with a crazy story (with subpar writing) and if it's based on a already well beloved story (and has sex and vampires) you'll get published.



Here are some of my ideas:



Little Orphan Annie doesn't go to live with Daddy Warbucks but instead returns to the orphanage and Miss Hannigan. When she turns eighteen she starts working the streets as a hooker only to discover the streets are filled with zombies (who have a taste for hookers). Anne turns into Annie the Zombie-Ass-Kicker and keeps the world (and fellow hookers) safe from zombies.

Title: Big Bad Annie


Atticus Finch is really a member of the KKK and secretly shot Tom Robinson (the black man he was defending). Scout and Boo Radley must now stop Atticus and the KKK from taking over the town.


Title: To Kill a Klan Wizzard


Jane Eyre decides not to go back to Mr. Rochester but instead marries her cousin St. John Rivers and goes to Africa to be a missionary. But once there Jane and John discover a satanic cult that is in the sex trade and holds virgin sacrafices. Jane has to go undercover to help save a African village for despair and destruction.


Title: See Jane Whip the Occult


Any other wonderful ideas?