Sunday, August 30, 2009

I Am Proof God Has a Sense of Humor

I truly believe God has a sense of humor and I am living proof of that. All through school my worst subject was anything to do with science (biology, geology, physics, chemistry). Hated it all, wasn’t good at any of that. So I went ahead and got a journalism degree. But for the past nine years I worked for companies/organizations that have been science based. Go figure. And for the last six of those years I’ve worked for two different mining engineering and consulting firms. Yes, I work with engineers and geologists.

Now you may be asking what a mining consulting company does. Well, I can’t give you a lot of details because, well quite frankly, I don’t understand a lot of what they do. What I do know is they produce reports: feasibility reports, due diligence reports, mine planning reports, annual audit reports, etc. (are you still with me?). And that is where I come in. I format, edit and proofread all these reports (and other documents) and I find it so amazing that I can do this so well without fully understanding the content of what I’m reading. Now after six years I have picked up on some things but words like “stripping ratio,” “downdip,” “highwall” and “outcrop” are lost on me.

So anyway (here is where the humor begins), awhile ago I was helping out on a project by doing data entry. A lot of times these mines have drill hole logs that were done 25 years before or earlier (i.e. before computers). So after several days of data entry one of the engineers asked if I wanted to see what all the data produced (bless his heart). Sure, why not? He took me to his computer where I saw a black screen with lots of colorful dots and lines on it. I had no idea what I was looking; it held absolutely no meaning to me.

“That’s nice,” I say. So the engineer explains what it means (don’t ask because I can’t tell you). And after a few minutes he stopped talking. “It’s pretty,” I said. “But you know what it looks like? Remember that childhood toy – Lite Bright? That’s what it looks like, Lite Bright!”

I truly believe God has a sense of humor and I am living proof of that. All through school my worst subject was anything to do with science (biology, geology, physics, chemistry). Hated it all, wasn’t good at any of that. So I went ahead and got a journalism degree. But for the past nine years I worked for companies/organizations that have been science based. Go figure. And for the last six of those years I’ve worked for two different mining engineering and consulting firms. Yes, I work with engineers and geologists.

Now you may be asking what a mining consulting company does. Well, I can’t give you a lot of details because, well quite frankly, I don’t understand a lot of what they do. What I do know is they produce reports: feasibility reports, due diligence reports, mine planning reports, annual audit reports, etc. (are you still with me?). And that is where I come in. I format, edit and proofread all these reports (and other documents) and I find it so amazing that I can do this so well without fully understanding the content of what I’m reading. Now after six years I have picked up on some things but words like “stripping ratio,” “downdip,” “highwall” and “outcrop” are lost on me.

So anyway (here is where the humor begins), awhile ago I was helping out on a project by doing data entry. A lot of times these mines have drill hole logs that were done 25 years before or earlier (i.e. before computers). So after several days of data entry one of the engineers asked if I wanted to see what all the data produced (bless his heart). Sure, why not? He took me to his computer where I saw a black screen with lots of colorful dots and lines on it. I had no idea what I was looking; it held absolutely no meaning to me.

“That’s nice,” I say. So the engineer explains what it means (don’t ask because I can’t tell you). And after a few minutes he stopped talking. “It’s pretty,” I said. “But you know what it looks like? Remember that childhood toy – Lite Bright? That’s what it looks like, Lite Bright!”

I truly believe God has a sense of humor and I am living proof of that. All through school my worst subject was anything to do with science (biology, geology, physics, chemistry). Hated it all, wasn’t good at any of that. So I went ahead and got a journalism degree. But for the past nine years I worked for companies/organizations that have been science based. Go figure. And for the last six of those years I’ve worked for two different mining engineering and consulting firms. Yes, I work with engineers and geologists.

Now you may be asking what a mining consulting company does. Well, I can’t give you a lot of details because, well quite frankly, I don’t understand a lot of what they do. What I do know is they produce reports: feasibility reports, due diligence reports, mine planning reports, annual audit reports, etc. (are you still with me?). And that is where I come in. I format, edit and proofread all these reports (and other documents) and I find it so amazing that I can do this so well without fully understanding the content of what I’m reading. Now after six years I have picked up on some things but words like “stripping ratio,” “downdip,” “highwall” and “outcrop” are lost on me.

So anyway (here is where the humor begins), awhile ago I was helping out on a project by doing data entry. A lot of times these mines have drill hole logs that were done 25 years before or earlier (i.e. before computers). So after several days of data entry one of the engineers asked if I wanted to see what all the data produced (bless his heart). Sure, why not? He took me to his computer where I saw a black screen with lots of colorful dots and lines on it. I had no idea what I was looking; it held absolutely no meaning to me.

“That’s nice,” I say. So the engineer explains what it means (don’t ask because I can’t tell you). And after a few minutes he stopped talking. “It’s pretty,” I said. “But you know what it looks like? Remember that childhood toy – Lite Bright? That’s what it looks like, Lite Bright!”


Can you tell which is a Lite Brite and which is an Underground Mine Plan?

God may have a sense of humor but engineers, not so much.

Friday, August 28, 2009

The Death of Common Sense

I’m a big believer in common sense and I understand, unfortunately, not a lot of people are in possession of common sense. Why is that? Are you born with common sense or is it something you are taught by your parents? I think it’s a combination of both but I have the feeling parents (in general) aren’t teaching their kids good old common sense anymore. Yelling at your child, “What were thinking?” isn’t teaching them common sense.

According to Wikipedia (isn’t Wikipedia great?) common sense has two general meanings: a sense of things being common to other things and a sense of things common to humanity. Common to humanity. I think that right there is the death of common sense.

I’ve written obituaries before but I can’t take credit for this one. But the writer has the right idea.

Obituaries

Common Sense

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: knowing when to come in out of the rain; why the early bird gets the worm, life isn't always fair and maybe it WAS my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place.

Reports of a 6 year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children.

It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer Calpol, sun lotion or a band-aid to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason.

He is survived by his three stepbrothers: I Know My Rights, Someone Else Is To Blame and I'm A Victim.

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Stop Me If I’ve Read This Before

I love to read. I love to read so much that my 40th birthday party was a book theme and all my guests had to bring me books as gifts. I love to read so much that I tend to do it when I should be doing other things, like exercising or writing or cleaning the bathroom. But sometimes I get really excited about reading about a book and 5, 10 or 15 pages into it think it sounds familiar and I realize I’ve already read it (come on, I know this has happened to some of you too).

So a couple of years ago I decided I was going to start the new year by keep a list of all the books I’ve read that year (does anyone else do this?). I did this for two reasons: to make sure I didn’t start to read a book I’d already read and because I was curious to see how many books I read in a year. And the only rule I have is that I have to have finish the book to put it on The List.

Now, before I share my numbers with you let make this disclaimer: I’m a single gal and have a lot of time on my hands to read. I pretty much read every day. I read different books at different speeds, some of the books are really thick and some are really thin. And, well, I think the size of my butt and state my bathroom can speak for themselves.

2005 – 35 books
2006 – 31 books
2007 – 56 books
2008 – 45 books
2009 – 42 books (as of Wednesday, August 26)

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Facebook...And All It's Hidden Evils

Yes, I have an account of Facebook. The reason I like it is because I get to connect with my family and friends that don’t live near me. Since I can’t be there to see my cousin’s kids grow up at least I can see picture of them growing up. As my Facebook Friends know, I don’t post a lot of comments, mainly because my life on a day-to-day basis is pretty boring. Don’t get me wrong, I like Facebook. But what you may not know about Facebook when you open your account are the hidden evils within known as “Applications.”

WARNING!!! WARNING!! – If you don’t know about the Facebook Applications, please for your own benefit, STOP READING NOW! Step away from the computer, go read a book, watch television, spend time with your family, anything, just stop reading now.

At first glance these “Applications” look like harmless fun. But until you get suckered in you have no idea what’s ahead. It started for me with the games. Facebook has lots and lots of games. This first one I played was Bejeweled Blitz. You have one minute to match up same-like jewels and earn points. At first you think it’s just a fun little game but what you don’t know until you open it up is that over on the side are the scores of your Facebook Friends who have been playing the same game. Seems harmless enough, right? At first you think it’s great that Mary has the high score of 124,300 points. Good for her. Then you start to play. This is kind of hard. How the heck did Mary get such a high score? I can’t seem to break 55,000 points. That puts me in fourth place!!! Have to keep playing, having to keep getting a better score. To date that hasn’t happened.

So I move on to another game, Farkle (a dice game where you earn points for getting matches). Not many of my Facebook Friends are playing this game so the odds are looking better that I can be #1 (I’m not really a competitive person, really I’m not). And for a brief few hours I have the top score, I am #1. That is until I logon the next day and find that Jane has beaten my top score. How did she do that?

Time to move on to Wordtext (you earn points for making as many words as possible from six letters). A game about words! I can do this! Or so I thought. What the heck does yups mean? Or magre for that matter. I’ve never heard of these words! Who designed this game? If you’re one of my Facebook Friends you’ll have to load this game up to see how pathetic I am at it.

Now there are lots and lots of other “Applications” on Facebook but somehow I got started on Farmville (a social game that lets you create an avatar that runs a farm). I got my avatar up and running and started planting crops and buying trees and animals. But here’s what you’ve got to watch, not everything you plant grows at the same rate. So if you don’t harvest those strawberries in the allotted amount of time they go bad and you don’t get any money (yes, that happened to me). I didn’t want to become a real farmer, getting up at the crack of dawn to check my crops before getting in the shower and going to my real job. I just wanted to send my cousin’s 10-year-old son a cow every so often.

But there is a light at the end of the tunnel. The designers of Farmville give you the option to sell the farm. I’m considering…maybe a move to YoVille or Dragon Wars or Mafia Wars or Fashion Wars…I’m sorry, where did the last four hours go?